Who Gives a Shit about Handwriting? and other stories

Competitive brothers, Paddy and Shamus were comparing grades. Paddy was in first or second grade and he was bragging that he has almost all A's, except for handwriting.
             "But who gives a shit about handwriting anyway?"           

This is Shamus, Paddy and little "Katie," as we called her then. Shamus and Liam were slightly older than they were in this picture when they discussed handwriting and other things they didn't give a shit about.

Paddy is 38 years old now and my mother has been quoting him for the past 30+ years. Of course we use it incessantly. Mom tells me that the pillars at that bank over there are Corinthian, to which I say, "Well, who gives a shit about pillars?" That gets my mom laughing EVERY SINGLE TIME. 
If she's laughing, I am laughing right along with her. After all, 
              who gives a shit how old the joke may be?        

Paddy Brennan and Dana Lynn Bachman sitting in front of Abbie's house

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"I DOT  . I DOT MY .. I DOT MY RAINCOAT STUCK IN THE DAMN DOOR." Shamus muttered at age 2 1/2.

Here is Shamus wearing the damn raincoat that got stuck
 in the damn door.

"Some dirty bastard stole my underwear!" said Virgie from the
tobacco farm where Mom worked when she was about 18.
I have always wanted to meet Virgie.

MOM LOVES reminiscing about all her nephews and nieces and all the family.
BOBBY--- "Oh no. I rihdot my tamera." (translation- "Oh no! I forgot my camera.")
MOMMY to Bobby "Take you syrup plate to the sink and don't spill it on route."
Bobby stopped and turned around. "Who's route?"
AMY -- "I want a bathing suit like Ellen's that's broken to pieces." (a two-piece bathing suit)

broken to pieces bathing suit

We took DANIELLE, 7, camping. Grandma had hung a clothesline. "Why are those two trees tied together?"

DANA BACHMAN-- I tried to serve her tuna fish. She shook her head NO and said matter-of-factly, "That's for kitty."
DANA had a grandma who emphasized that SHE was the BOSS. From then on Dana called her Grandma Boss.

Oh, look at the full moon. LINDSAY
"He must have eaten all his dinner!"

Lindsay Louise Bachman

BOBBY came home from kindergarten describing "collection day" (election day) "You go and pick out all the men you want."

I was busy going through my papers in the car trying to find my clearances for my new job. It could be a teachable moment. "See Keriann, you have to keep your record clean in order to find a job. Twelve-year-old Keriann replied, 
"Mom. You have to keep your CAR clean so you can find your RECORDS!"

DAVID set up his train set. Buff pretended she was running to catch the train and she said, "Phew. I made it!!!" to which David corrected her, "NO. I made it..... this morning."

KAITLIN, 4,--  Jan and I were browsing a little too long in the book store. "Let's get out of this damn place already!"

Erin Elizabeth Bachman

Deby insisted that ERIN thank Aunt Ab for the money she sent with the birthday card. "Thank you for the money. Daddy took it because he needed bus fair, but he's going to pay me back." 

It was a scary time for our country. On TV, we watched numerous missiles being shot into the air. It was the first day of Desert Storm. KERIANN woke up crying in her room the next morning and I went in to comfort her. "WHAT'S GOING ON???" she cried. "WHAT'S GOING ON??????" 
Oh my GOSH. How do I begin to explain the war, the missiles to my 5-year-old daughter? "Well, there's some fighting going on and our country has to protect ....." 
"NOOOOO!!!!!" Keriann sniffed, still crying, "What's going on with my throat?"

Sometimes toddlers with high fevers get seizures and that's what happened to 2 1/2 year old Danielle. Her eyes rolled back in her head in Grandma Abbie's living room and we all raced to the Forbes Hospital. Well, everything turned out fine and the doctor explained to big-eyed Danielle that all she had to do was pee in her diaper and then she can go home. Danielle just stared at him. He went on and on and then left the room. 
"I'm not peeing for that doctor!"

Keriann at age 4 got several vaccinations and the nurse happily told her that she did great and she 
doesn't have to get another shot for 10 years.
"I don't want to get a shot in 10 years." OK, I get it. She was upset that day. NOOOOOO. Not just that day. She repeated that over and over for several months!

When Shamus was about 2 or 3, he begged Jan for scalloped potatoes. He kept saying, "Isn't that a good idea? Isn't that an idea? Isn't that an idea?" Jan finally responded. 
"It's an idea, but it SUCKS." 
Of course we still talk about ideas that suck. Mom especially finds this quote pretty humorous. And we might get a hint about why Shamus is so sarcastic.

Julia was learning the months of the year. 
"What happens after December?"  
"Is that when we die?"
"I hope not. I was just thinking we could get another calendar."

Julia was troubled. "I don't know who I am going to marry. I don't know if I'll marry Zarek or Carson.  "Well, Julia, I think maybe you should wait for a while. I mean, who knows??? Maybe you'll meet someone in kindergarten."

 I heard 2-year-old Mariah telling Danielle that she wanted to go outside. Danielle clearly told her "NO  Mariah, you can't go outside in the rain. It's freezing out there. You don't have a coat on and you don't have shoes on." Mariah then came to me and asked if she could go outside. 
"What did Danielle say?"
Mariah-- "I have NO IDEA."
She's a tiny little liar!


Grandma told 2-year-old Mariah, "There's an excavator." Mariah corrected her. "That's a bulldozer."
  My mom was reading the want ads of the newspaper. "AWWWWE. Here's a house-broken shih zhu. My dad came back with, "We already have a shit-broken house-zoo."

Danielle was 5 and Julia was about 18 months old. Danielle was begging her daddy to play with her. 
"Come on Daddy. Play with me!!!"
Bob -- "Why don't you play with Julia?"
"No. Julia doesn't even speak English!"

 Danielle didn't like me much at first when we moved back to PA. She was strapped in her car seat in the back of Grandma's blue van. So I sat down next to her. "I don't need you to sit next to me and I don't want you to sit next to me. If you don't move, I'm going to take all the clips out of my hair."  -- Danielle

The Beaver Dam

Let's Go See the Beaver Dam 

story told to me by my MOM (Abbie) about their "foster child" Lenny

Two-year-old Lenny was legally blind. He could see light, but very little else. He was born prematurely and was placed in an oxygen tent, which robbed him of his sight. Through his first years he had a few surgeries, which offered help, but never a cure.

So he went through life asking for help reading street car signs, telling bus drivers which stop he wanted, and asking directions.

When he spent summers with us at our home in New Brighton one of his favorite things to do was to walk several blocks down the street and across the bridge to see the Beaver Dam.

He thrilled at the sight and sound of water rushing and being thrown over the dam. He would tell my DAD (Uncle Dave) that he wanted to go see the Beaver Dam. (He pronounced it Beeffer Dam.) Daddy would do his best to accommodate Lenny, but 

sometimes he was too tired. This was one of those occasions, so Daddy said, "I'm too tired to walk that far, but how about we go and get and ice cream cone instead?

Disappointed, Lenny responded, "No, I want to go to see the Beefer Dam." So Daddy agreed, and off they the two of them went -- to see the Beaver Dam. It was just one of those times when he couldn't say NO! Lenny was just TOO IMPORTANT.

jail birds

Jail Birds

Story told to me by MOM----     Seven of us took a bike trip in Nova Scotia. We were biking in the rain for hours in the middle of nowhere. We stopped for a while under a roof at a gas station and a policeman inquired about us. We didn't have tents. We had sleeping bags, but it's nice if you can stay dry. So he invited us to spend the night at a police station. We
were lined up on the floor in some big room, like a gym or something. Most Canadians are really nice people, so they were accommodating. So that was Mom's slumber party at the police station.

Other family members have had some experiences with slumber parties at police stations too, but they have their own stories.